Xena: Warrior Princess – Season Four Blues by Blade

There are many fans that don’t like the turn season four of Xena: Warrior Princess is taking. Blade is one such fan. Here’s filk about it.

Season Four Blues by Blade

Done to the tune of War and Peace in The Bitter Suite.

Please note that this reflects just one fan’s overall opinion of Xena season four and is meant in no way to imply that everyone feels the way I do on this subject. Candace, this one’s for you, my dear. 😉

Spoiler space (no episodes past The Way have been spoiled)

~~~~~~~~~~~

Hiss the winds of change that blew
Season Four is such a screw
Fighting’s what they used to do
On Xena

From in Sickness and Hell
To an peacenik Gabrielle
All the fans can do is yell
At Xena

Famed for subtext and for wit
Xena used to be a hit
Now all I can do is spit
At Xena

She’s the Warrior Princess with a sidekick who blows smoke
When I look at the plotlines now all I can do is choke
With more boredom in an hour
Screw the staff Gab, here’s a flower
Please come home, Xena
Please come home.

You were the most divine delicious warrior
Xena
Till Gabrielle done dragged you on her quest
Xena
Now pulling her from wackos is the thing that you do best.

She followed Eli’s way and now her staff is gone
Xena
It’s now in Greece somewhere gathering moss
Xena
And if you’re really lucky you won’t end up on a cross.

We all hate Season Four
It’s not what we tuned in for
Pandemonium reins
Where are Gabrielle’s brains
We hate season four
All the plots are a bore
Words of wisdom fans have said
“Lose the subtext, lose your head.”
We hate season four, four, four.

Ga-brielle. Ga-brielle. Ga-brielle. Ga-brielle.
Oh her marbles she has lost
And our cookies we have tossed
Yes it’s peace but at what cost
Gabrielle.

Xena’s dark side’s scaring you
So you go to a guru
Throw your staff away it’s true
Gabrielle

You’ve been acting like a clone of yourself for so long
We’d be grateful if you’d ditch that old yellow sarong
Get your old duds and your staff back
We’ll be happy when you gabwhack
Please come home, Gabrielle
Please come home.

Aiden and Najara left their marks on you
Leave that crazy convert in the dust
If your staff had lived
There’d be no blowing smoke-ACHOO!

You and me hate peace
Preachy eps, oh please, just cease
Snore the hour away
Watching Gab run away
We hate peace peace peace
Subtext’s hit a big surcease
Whether in or out of bed
Gab’s just standing on her head
We all hate peace, peace, peace!

That’s all folks!